kel’s little tots

I was adviced not to be idealistic. Frankly i don’t see why not? I feel we need to uphold firmly to our own belief. And should not conform to the world or standard if possible.

I just surf online to find out more about idealism and realise (i pick up some which i felt pretty valid);

Idealism is the:

Holding on to a set of beliefs which are a rigid system of the way life is "supposed to be" or "should be".

Set of norms against which you judge others and which gets you into trouble with the others, especially if they are authority figures who don’t meet the "norm.”

hmm…yeap this is how i feel. My brother has been telling me that i have the tendency to "judge" people based on my own standard. Oh well…………….. tats why sometimes people frustrate me!

Anyway…….. lost for words and thoughts…

……………………. Took a 5 hour coach ride to KL for work….. (It not the "glam" biz trip if you are thinking about that!!) Not a very comfortable ride even most said it should be.. Oh well…

Didn’t have a good nite sleep because some inconsiderate women LAUFF so LOUDLY through out the nite… By the time we realized its already 3am in the morning. Woke up at 6am.. And the day was kick off… It was a good event. The delgates were nice and friendly. Colleagues were great! But i felt so ..woh……………….. So operation………… So coolie!! I juz snap off! At the moment i was like why am i here… DARn!!

Nvmd….. We are require to carry 16.5kg plastic bags back to sg office…IT DAmn F………heavy with all our own baggage.. Sick. Now i felt like a courier woman… At least courier services was paid………. Well.. we  took flight back..hmm….. coach will be my choice without the excess baggages…

My whole body felt so tired.. arms & legs……….. Stand most of the day. And move TONS OF BOOKS! IT felt like 3 days in KL instead of 1…

SPARE ME……………

Just some thoughts.. maybe alot of thoughts been on my mind..

Growing up..or should i say growing old is pretty irritating. Perhaps i wanna be in a denial mode that hey i am a grown up / adult! I have hit quarter of a century! But it doesnt matter cos i don’t behave my age. I wish my thoughts are not my age too…… BUT i am fussing over alot of things because i need to at this current age! Especially in Career………I need a career not just a job.

Darn! I kinda "force" myself to grow up. lost quite alot of myself since i started working. Getting irritated much easier, what is patience? Where’s the carefree thoughts? I lost it all!! I used to think blue skies, fluffy clouds, yeah rainbow…………chocolates, candie, babies grinz will make my day. They still do … but it lost that impact. I long for more! Yucks! And Yes! the "princess" want- to-be thoughts- the princess where everyone dots upon. And i remember i have this thought - This "princess"  do not long for a prince but a village boy… humble and down to earth. He will be a prince to her and she will be a princess to him…

The real & original me is hidden deep within myself. I want her back! BUT She won’t survive in this world. =) Not that i will currently….

And i realised i am very much self absorb in Me, Myself and I. The attitude of I don’t care as long as i like it & is happy. Maybe it is a false front or juz a protective shield or i have learnt to care and love myself more. Plus i can pretty much take care of myself. (But i still need my parents & brother & my mighty God of course!) hiak

1 thing have not change, i am still very much a cry baby! muahhhah Sick! I hate it when i cry… i meant i don’t want to at times but the tears just kept flowing. But that usually happen when i am sad…or super angry. I am usually the bubbly, smilely (i think) but once i flare means i am really displeased, agitated, irritated, frustrated and angry! I am not a sore loser lor………everytime i cried i feel tat wayz! I CANT control my tears la..

Although been through 26 years of life, there are lots of things i still can not comprehend nor understand. Our mind are finite.